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Words from Quote Garden.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Things You Should't Say to Your Child
Common verbal blunders and slip-ups parents make, and kinder alternatives to help you
through tough situation.
through tough situation.
Parents don't always mean what they let out. There may even be times when parents don't
realize how damaging their words an be until it's too late. What may seem like an utterly
innocent remark said in calm manner can become hurtful and detrimental when said in
anger.
A Psychologist stresses that kids are vulnerable; the words we say to them play a big part in
shaping who they will become - their attitudes, their thought, and their character.
Psychologist Ycasiano and Bautista give us a rundown of the things you should never say to
your kids, including gentler alternatives you can use - even when you desperately think that
your patience has reached the end of its rope.
1. "Bad Girl!" or "You're so _______!"
Effect on a child: You're the one who encourage them to take on the role and proudly prove
their spunk and attitude every chance they get. This kind of labelling can become a
self-fulfilling prophecy. The worse the labels, the deeper they cut through a child's
self-worth.
What you can say: Emphasize to them that it was the deed or action - not the child - that was
offensive and intolerable. Remember, actions can be corrected, but a dented self-esteem will
be difficult to mend.
2. "Not now, I'm Busy"
Effect on a child: When kids always hear these statements from you, they will soon think that
you doesn't have the time to talk to or be with them. They will hesitate to approach you and
will indeed leave you alone even without your prompting - until you realize your child has
drifted too far away from you.
What you can say: This is not easy to pull off, but with practice and discipline, it can be done.
Just make sure you set realistic expectations: a toddler and a preschooler aren't likely to keep
quiet or amuse themselves for a whole hour.
3. "Why can't you be more like your Kuya?"
Effect on a child: Comparing your younger child to the older sibling ar anyon else for that
matter implies that you wish your child were different. The kids get confused when they are
pressered to do something they are nt ready for or don't like to do.
What you can say: Encourageyour child's current achievements instead of pushing her to be
another person. Kids develop at their own pace and have characteristics that are uniquely
their own. Comparisons do not help change or correct misbehavior; the only sting a child's
confidence.
4. "You should know better than that!"
Effect on a child: Parents sometimes carelessly critize their kids, be it o appearance,
intelligence, clumnsiness, or confidence. It affects the child's self-esteem, thus impairing his
ability to think straight, make clear judgements, or do what's right next time.
What you can say: Give a specific and more positive remarks. They try and fail, and then they
try again, because learning is a process. Acknowledge what was done appropriately, and
point out what nedds to be corrected using simple and specific instructions.
5. "Stop crying! You want me to spank you?"
Effect on a child: Threats are rarely effective, more so if the threat only confuses the child
with its irony. How can a child stop crying if she continues to fear she will get hurt? Toddlers
especially, have no way to express sadness, pain, fear, anger or frustration other than crying
because they have yet articulate these feelings.
Ordering a child to stop expressing strong emotions sends the message that it's not okay to
be sad, angry, or scared.
What you can say: It is important to acknowledge the child's emotions when you feel there's
something wrong. it takes longer for kids ages 3 to 4 to talk about what's bothering them.
6. "I'm going to tell your dad what you did when he gets home!"
Effect on a child: When all else fails, the absent parent is used to scare off the misbehaving
kid. This guarantees two things: 1) the present parent's authority is diffused while the other
parent becomes the scary villain, and 2) the discipline intended for the child's misbehavior is
postponed.
This will only gives the impression that Mom needs Daddy to deal with discipline issues all
the time. Delaying the consequences of your child's misbehavior makes very young kids
forget what they did wrong, thus making it difficult for them to associate the misdeed with
the consequences.
What you can say: Deal with the misbehavior yourself by explaining to your child what
specific act was improper. Parents have to keep in mind what values they want for their child.
realize how damaging their words an be until it's too late. What may seem like an utterly
innocent remark said in calm manner can become hurtful and detrimental when said in
anger.
A Psychologist stresses that kids are vulnerable; the words we say to them play a big part in
shaping who they will become - their attitudes, their thought, and their character.
Psychologist Ycasiano and Bautista give us a rundown of the things you should never say to
your kids, including gentler alternatives you can use - even when you desperately think that
your patience has reached the end of its rope.
1. "Bad Girl!" or "You're so _______!"
Effect on a child: You're the one who encourage them to take on the role and proudly prove
their spunk and attitude every chance they get. This kind of labelling can become a
self-fulfilling prophecy. The worse the labels, the deeper they cut through a child's
self-worth.
What you can say: Emphasize to them that it was the deed or action - not the child - that was
offensive and intolerable. Remember, actions can be corrected, but a dented self-esteem will
be difficult to mend.
2. "Not now, I'm Busy"
Effect on a child: When kids always hear these statements from you, they will soon think that
you doesn't have the time to talk to or be with them. They will hesitate to approach you and
will indeed leave you alone even without your prompting - until you realize your child has
drifted too far away from you.
What you can say: This is not easy to pull off, but with practice and discipline, it can be done.
Just make sure you set realistic expectations: a toddler and a preschooler aren't likely to keep
quiet or amuse themselves for a whole hour.
3. "Why can't you be more like your Kuya?"
Effect on a child: Comparing your younger child to the older sibling ar anyon else for that
matter implies that you wish your child were different. The kids get confused when they are
pressered to do something they are nt ready for or don't like to do.
What you can say: Encourageyour child's current achievements instead of pushing her to be
another person. Kids develop at their own pace and have characteristics that are uniquely
their own. Comparisons do not help change or correct misbehavior; the only sting a child's
confidence.
4. "You should know better than that!"
Effect on a child: Parents sometimes carelessly critize their kids, be it o appearance,
intelligence, clumnsiness, or confidence. It affects the child's self-esteem, thus impairing his
ability to think straight, make clear judgements, or do what's right next time.
What you can say: Give a specific and more positive remarks. They try and fail, and then they
try again, because learning is a process. Acknowledge what was done appropriately, and
point out what nedds to be corrected using simple and specific instructions.
5. "Stop crying! You want me to spank you?"
Effect on a child: Threats are rarely effective, more so if the threat only confuses the child
with its irony. How can a child stop crying if she continues to fear she will get hurt? Toddlers
especially, have no way to express sadness, pain, fear, anger or frustration other than crying
because they have yet articulate these feelings.
Ordering a child to stop expressing strong emotions sends the message that it's not okay to
be sad, angry, or scared.
What you can say: It is important to acknowledge the child's emotions when you feel there's
something wrong. it takes longer for kids ages 3 to 4 to talk about what's bothering them.
6. "I'm going to tell your dad what you did when he gets home!"
Effect on a child: When all else fails, the absent parent is used to scare off the misbehaving
kid. This guarantees two things: 1) the present parent's authority is diffused while the other
parent becomes the scary villain, and 2) the discipline intended for the child's misbehavior is
postponed.
This will only gives the impression that Mom needs Daddy to deal with discipline issues all
the time. Delaying the consequences of your child's misbehavior makes very young kids
forget what they did wrong, thus making it difficult for them to associate the misdeed with
the consequences.
What you can say: Deal with the misbehavior yourself by explaining to your child what
specific act was improper. Parents have to keep in mind what values they want for their child.